There are a few general principles one should be aware of when dining as a group in China. We will not be able to get together to practice before we go to China so we will get crash lessons in eating during our first two days in China. Then, when we have official banquets with Chinese officials, we will be prepared.
For most lunches and dinners we will be seated at two large round tables. Our travel and guide services arrange the meals for us. We will never order individually! There will be approximately 8 to 10 dishes or so that will be brought to the table within a VERY short time after we are seated. There will also be bottled water or soda. Tea, and plenty of it, will always be available.
Generally, you should not make individual requests of the servers. Let Peng or me know that we are running low. Generally, we then need to pay extra. Or, because the group leaders are asking, it just gets done without a hassle and sometimes without the extra cost. The key is to let us know and take things into your own hands. It is the leaders job to take care of you the best we can within reason. Once you get back to the U.S., you are on you own!
We can be thankful that we are eating Chinese if you are a person who wants to have vegetables and not meat or vice versa. There are plenty of vegetable dishes. However, just because there is a veggie or meat dish you like, it is NOT yours to claim. Remember, everything is shared. DO NOT LOAD YOUR PLATE WITH YOUR FAVORITE DISH OR WITH SEVERAL DISHES. IT IS RUDE! Loading plates is only done in Chinese American buffet restaurants but not in China. Take a small amount of one or two items, eat them, and then have some more, some more ..... You will not go hungry. You will receive a small plate and you simply keep putting small amounts on the plate and keep eating. Do not ask for a clean plate! If you have bones, etc. simply place them out of the way in front of your plate on the table. That is the way it is done.
The food is placed on a lazy susan so when you want a particular dish you do not need to ask. All you need to do is "gently" spin the lazy susan to your location. However, before you make your move, make sure no one else is left holding their chopsticks in the air because you just moved them away from a morsel of food they were after. You also need to watch out that a bowl that might be teetering too close to the edge does not wipe out your colleagues tea cup and make an embarrassing mess.
You will not have to worry about unsanitary food. Everything is cooked in China! You will not get raw vegetables. If they look raw, they are probably pickled. The tea is boiled and the water comes in water bottles.
It used to be common to put food on your neighbors plate. That is an old custom and rarely done now. You will probably not run into the custom unless you have dinner with someone who is of an older generation. In fact, for the younger generation it is something you will not want to do. The rule of thumb is to look at what your Chinese guest is doing in a banquet situation and then act accordingly. This will be true for Beijing but in Shandong Province expect to have food placed on your plate by your guest. You should do it in return. The same goes with filling glasses. If your hosts glass is empty or nearly so, fill it for him or her.
It is also common to give toasts during the more formal banquets we will have. Our host may make a small speech; our group leader will do it in return. Others may follow but in moderation. It is a good time to share in a sentence or so about things that you may have appreciated about the experience. Raise your glass and then everyone will raise after you have said a few words. There only needs to be a couple of these at a banquet. Toasting is a very important part of Chinese culture. Many agreements have fallen through because Americans did not understand the importance of the custom.
We will not go out of our way to buy alcoholic beverages but one should realize that drinking is an important part of the culture, particularly in Shandong. Our hosts will provide it and it will be an important part of the banquet scene. If you do not care to participate for personal reasons or if your glass is empty, hold up a glass anyway and fake it or hold up your tea cup and drink tea! Generally, you do not fill your own glass. Your guest or your group colleague will do it for you. Let them fill it even if you do not intend to drink it. If you do not want anymore, simply leave your glass full. It is not rude to leave the table with your glass left full.
NEVER ask the waiters to bring more wine to your table. They will see that you are out and ask the group leaders. It is our way of "controlling" the banquet and costs as well since wine can be rather expensive. If you repeatedly ask, the waiter may feel obligated to bring it anyway even though we have told them not to. You put them in a very uncomfortable situation.
Americans like to talk a lot a meals. Chinese banquets are a time to relax and have light conversation. In fact, it is okay to be silent for long periods of time. The interpreters need to translate everything you say and you will exhaust them if you talk too much. Make sure translators get to eat! Banquets generally are not a time to have in depth discussions on educational issues of the day!
Chopsticks are to be used for eating and not as a prop for communication. If you are a person who talks with your hands, make sure you put your chopsticks down on the table before speaking. Practice using chopsticks before you go. If you have difficultly using them, it is actually okay to move your mouth close to the plate and shovel the food in gracefully. The same for soups. You can lift the bowl so the distance is shortened and spillage lessened. Chinese soup spoons will be available. The Chinese will probably try to impose forks, knives and spoons on us because they will feel we are incapable of using chopsticks. Peng and I will have them sent back to the kitchen!
We are an education delegation and have come to China to learn. They will be impressed with our attitude to learn. Such behavior is important because we want to develop good relationships with our friends in Shandong. When you get back home you will probably learn to appreciate the speed, efficiency and menu expanse in Chinese dining. You will find that your spouse and family may not appreciate your cultural transformation. I had a delegation of 25 Chinese guests I was hosting in an out of the Wethersfield Diner in less than one hour. The reason is .... Peng and I ordered the same meal for everyone. The employees of the diner were rather stunned by the strategy but were very happy because they did not have to write anything down. If you do have special needs for medical or other reasons, you should bring items with you that you can eat at another time.
